Tonight has been a better night. Your daddy is working again and I'm home alone, and even though it is lonely and hard, I knew what to expect when I got home and I was ready for it. I even finally brought myself to clean up after you tonight. Last Friday, when daddy and I got home from the Vet's office we quickly went through the house and cleared away all of the obvious stuff because we knew that every time we looked at the broken pieces of our hearts would become shattered.
Tonight I was sweeping and mopping in the downstairs bathroom and hallway and there were spots on the floor from your water bowl ... spots that were there because several days before you had put your little paw in your water bowl and tried moving it around the floor ... I watched you do it and I remember smiling smugly because in all the years that we had you, it was only after we moved to Oregon that we found a logical solution to keeping your water bowl in place - we may have gotten used to running into it at night and spilling it all the time, but that didn't mean we enjoyed doing it. I always wondered what your reasoning and fascination was with moving your water bowl - was it simply to check for water? To see if it moved? Or was it some deeper way to prove to us just how stubborn you could be? Don't let me forget to inquire about that next time we see you ... I couldn't read your mind here but perhaps in Heaven that will be different ...
It was hard for me to push the mop over that spot. It was some of the last physical proof that you were ever in our home ... I cried for a few minutes as I was holding the mop in the hallway and then I had the realization that even though I was mopping up your water spots off the floor, I wasn't removing them or you from my heart. Just because I can't see them on the floor any more doesn't mean that I will forget that they were ever there, or that I will forget that you were ever here - I can guarantee you that will never happen. I dried my tears and I cleaned the spot, and after it dried I went back to look at it. The spot was gone, but you were not, and that is exactly what I needed to know in that moment.
You will always be in my heart. I know that you are at peace and I know that there is a special place in Heaven for souls who brought joy, love, comfort and snuggles to others - and that is definitely what you brought to our family.
Feeling grateful for you,
Mommy
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| You are a funny girl. I was working on the floor one day and you came and laid behind me on the couch. Before I knew it, you had your head on my shoulder and had fallen asleep. Luckily my phone was close by so that I could get these pictures to send to daddy. Thank you for bringing me so many smiles and picture perfect moments. |
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